Understanding Self Destructiveness and How to stop self destructive behavior

Self destructive behavior is the act of hurting yourself. Applying pain, hurt and suffering to yourself is a self destructive behavior.

Self destructiveness is the state of destroying oneself. Causing damage, harm breakdown to yourself.

This is not caused my someone else. This is a case of implementing your destruction with your own hands. Having the emotional capacity of inflicting pain and destructive measures on yourself consciously or subconsciously.

Something shocked me yesterday that I’d love to share;

self destructive behavior photo

I was going to work and as we were crossing the bridge while inside the moving vehicle, I looked at the other side and saw a man lying on the edge of the bridge. In a split second, I laughed so loud that other passengers turned all eyes on me. All I could think of was, what the hell he was doing lying at the slim edge of a bridge? Doesn’t he have a home? Doesn’t he love his life? Isn’t he scared of the river below? What if a heavy wind comes, and blows him into the river? Has he no love for himself and family?

I wondered if he was alright, but from his outward appearance he looked fine to me. Or maybe its his village people laughs (a Nigerian slang that signifies when someone from your native home may be the cause of your problem) at work.

Of course I had no answer to my questions but I felt deeply for him and I was equally angry at him. It was very obvious that he was being self destructive.

Obvious examples of Self Destructive Behavior

  1. Suicidal thoughts
  2. Over eating
  3. Impulsive drinking
  4. Addictions of any kind including drugs, gambling, ganging etc
  5. Love for pain
  6. Self inflicted injuries
  7. Over thinking

Aside from these examples which can be easily noticeable when displayed, The unknown truth is that, there are tons of subconscious self destructive behaviors you show everyday without even realizing that you are slowly falling into the pit of self destructiveness. These oblivious examples include;

  1. When you look down on your self.
  2. When you settle for less than what you deserve.
  3. When you allow the negative report around you to cloud your mind, there by, accepting what the world thinks of you.
  4. When you remind yourself everyday of your past failures and see no hope of been successful in anything you do.
  5. When you have no love for your body or skin thereby, shying away from the mirror and inflicting pain on yourself.
  6. Lack of confidence and a deafening low self esteem.
  7. Constantly comparing yourself with others.

So if at some point you’ve ever felt in any of the ways I listed above, then you’ve shown a certain level self destructive behavior.

Self destructive behavior

Now that you know this, lets look at some signs of Self destructive behavior.

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Suicidal behavior
  • When a person starts keeping Secrets
  • Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – read more here
  • Aggressiveness
  • Always complaining
  • Avoiding people and places

Here is a sad truth

9 out of 10 people have displayed a self destructive behavior at some point in their lives. Especially among millennials and young adults. Which is because of the fragility and vulnerability that comes with youth.

60% of the worlds population have been self destructive in recent times due to a lot of reasons ranging from, lack, unemployment, grief, rejection, pressure, depression, loneliness, heartbreak, divorce etc

But are these factors enough to consciously put yourself in the face of death or destroy yourself piece by piece till there is nothing left of you?

No. Not at all.

The real question is; How then can you stop the ravaging impact of conscious and subconscious self destructiveness?

I’ve also been self destructive before so I know how it feels to not give a shit anymore, and also i have been opportune to hear the story of others as well. Having listened to their stories, together with my experience, I’ve come to the conclusion that only one thing can stop self destructive behaviors among young adults. That thing is self love.


Loving yourself more is the greatest gift you can ever give to yourself. Putting yourself as important as that dignitory or celebrity you can’t help but gosh over is what you deserve and more.
Understanding that you are as important as your parents, your siblings, your family, your job is exactly what you should have at the back of your mind.

Self destructive behavior

Because when you love yourself, you’d never think of harming your self. When you love yourself, you’d have high regard for anything that comes from you and anything your hand touches.

When you love yourself;

  • You’ll stop yourself from been anxious and over thinking because you know it can lead to a high level of depression.
  • You’ll not over eat because you know its not good for your health.
  • You’ll not slit your wrist nor cut your hair because you know you’d be hurting yourself.
  • When you love yourself, you’d understand that pain/loss should be processed not hidden.
  • You’d appreciate how far you’ve come and be grateful for your survival amidst the chaos.

In fact. When you love yourself you’d do everything and anything that makes you happy.

Its time you stop been self destructive and start taking care of yourself. You deserve it and more.

I hope this post has inspired you in some way to always choose life and love. Don’t forget to hare your thoughts in the comment

Side note – Do you have anyone showing great signs of self destructiveness? Then seek help here.

You can also find some self destructive quotes here

Download a copy of this free E-Book to help you live a more fulfilled life here


  1. Ndinechi Kingsley

    Well said.. A times been too much emotional is bad cause devil uses as a weapon of warfare, here is my reasons when you are too emotional and you get to a meeting or a gathering of friends and one or two persons walk up to you and be like ‘o boy you just dey form fine boy abi u be ransom Noah’ at that point your emotion as a car thermostat weighs the talk as genuinely and pure your heart is u will find the nearest car mirror to check cause you never had dat in mind.. The next meeting or gathering in other to avoid that same talk you will now dress like terry G (smiles) in all we do, we should ask God for wisdom and understanding… ( am a victim of self destruction)

  2. chiqj

    Wow! That’s really true. You may have been a victim of self destructiveness, but now you are a victor. You have realized the importance of being emotionally brave and strong. Keep rising and soaring. Much love ❤

  3. Prince

    Seeing yourself as important was really “my take” from this. It just hit home, to be honest.

    And I think it’s hard at first, frankly. So it’d take a great deal of intentionality (speaking for myself) to stay reminded of your worth.

    Nice one, Chika. Keep looking out for us. I LOVE IT.

  4. I’ve been in a bus and i drove past my destination because i was over thinking. Then i had to trek back to my destination as a form of punishment to myself for being so unconscious. Is that a self destructive act?

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