The first effect of lost is the absence of something or someone that was originally in that space.

When you withdraw the sum of ten thousand naira to solve some impending issues and then when you get home, you deep your hand into your picket or handbag only to find out that the money is no longer there.

A gap is instantly created. Emotionally and physically. Physically that money is no longer there and you can’t wrap your head as to how it happened. Emotionally it becomes hard to accept, because this was your hard earned money, your brain takes you back to the sweat and griding it took to make that money. Then it reminds you that its gone and the impending issue you had can no longer be solved. It gets worse, because now everything becomes less pleasant.

The money lost and gone.
The problem still present and unsolved.

This is the feeling of loss. A gap is instantly created that you never planned for. There is a pain in your chest that you can’t get rid off.

The aftermath of this experience drives you to live in two uncertain ways. Which are;


Once something as sudden as the going of a loved one happens, you begin to imagine why and how something like that can happen to someone so full of life. Then it hits you. The realization that the same thing can also happen to you. That tomorrow is unsure. That this moment can be everything you have. Once this sink in, you begin to see life in a different light. You question why you are even suffering all this? Who the money in your account is for.

At this point you are beginning to see the value of truly living in the moment. But the excessiveness of your traumatic emotions can push you to live in that same light.

You can wake up the next day withdraw all the money you have without thinking twice, because now that reason why you were saving that money doesn’t matter anymore.

The next thing you are on a shopping spree, or on a road trip, or partying with your friends, flexing like your life depends on it You begin to do all the things you haven’t done before. After all, you cannot suffer and die and leave all that money for someone else laughs

It can also be the mindset that connects you to estranged family members and friends. You reconnect with your loved ones and be committed to making your relationship from that day a good one, because now you understand that the future is uncertain.


Yes you heard right. It starts with dying slowly mentally, then your body taking its toll, then destroying your life before finally giving up and dying physically.
For the first five months of my grief. I was in this category. I was inviting death. My thought was “is it not death again, oya come na. I’m waiting” But death did not come.

But I was dying slowly every time I became a bitch, every time I pushed everyone away from me. From the time I stopped praying and didn’t consider God worthy of stepping in.

This time, you can’t see anything good or hopeful anymore. All you see is a pool of darkness and gradually you pull themselves into that darkness. Either you befriend alcohol, drugs, crime or the wrong company. You become self destructive. Determined to destroy yourself. You feel that faith and hope are just some empty words from a senseless person.

In this category you live to destroy yourself, you just want to join that person or drown with that failed business or lost container or that millions that was scammed from you. You would prefer to die than handle the mess. Than face your emotions. Than feel the mountain of pain in your heart.


The downside of this two side is the knowing when to stop. The bad part of the first one is that you can make some very costly mistakes that would cost a lot to recover from in the name of living life. And the bad part of the second one is that you are conciously putting your family through the ordeal of seeing you that way, and you would always see yourself as a weak man.


It is alright to feel all this way. We all grief differently. Sometimes it pushes you to live. Other times it pushes you to die.

You should know that, this is how your brain respond to pain

In CHEMICAL HEARTS movie, it says

“Love is a chemical reaction that comes and goes, so is lost and heartbreak”. (You should watch the movie if you haven’t. Check the review here)

The same way it came it can go too. It only takes time.

When shit happens to you, it triggers your brain and tightens your chest because now something has changed. You body now desperately searches for feel-good chemicals to return it back to normal.

Those feel good chemicals come from love, good people around you, hope and motivation to live. You should embrace them

Just know that whichever way that pain, grief, loss drives you to; Regret is waiting for you in the end.

Don’t do anything that would make you regret your choice. Embrace the light in Gods word to help you overcome it all.

Ever lost someone or something? How did you handle it? Share in the comment


  1. Aida

    Towards death….girl i’ve been there many times . Like you said, it comes and goes. But I have to be the best I can be while I can especially to motivate those who look up to me.

    Then towards life, how do you even cope when you wanna do and be better but all you have around is negative energy. ..pessimists…discouragement. .and the likes and you have little or no means of leaving that environment??
    You know environment plays a vital role in molding a person..yh? ??
    What do you do???….I need replies? ?

    • chiqj

      Well. What I do is swipe the coin. Heads or tails? I wouldn’t want to be tails anymore. Because now you know how it feels to be tails. So you have to constantly fight to be heads. It doesn’t happen overnight, especially with a lot of negativity surrounding you but if you block the noise and do it for yourself. Not because you want to but because you need to. Because living is a must. The bible says “Choose life.” He didn’t say choosing life would be easy. But he said its a must that you do, because he too knew that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Choose life for yourself, for God and for the future.

  2. Trinity

    Great piece my friend…in all only the grace and mercy of God can keep us…we should continually pray for tat cos it is not by our strength..

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