A sweet box of lies and despair

Guys I’m so overwhelmed by your responses on the last post on fears. And I’m particularly happy that each day we are taking baby steps in overcoming those fears.

First off today’s post is coming from a place of sadness. In fact sadness is an understatement. Anger is the word because what i found out made me so vexed in my spirit that i couldn’t stop my self from talking about it, to blow off some steam or find a solution to this impending problem.

Yesterday i was having a conversation with some friends and we talked about a number of things when my friend told us something shocking and unexpected.



“You remember that cleaning lady that has been working as a cleaner in that two story building office plaza?” She asked.

“That endowed woman?”

“Exactly, you remember.” She said, remembering her lovely shape.

“You know her monthly salary is fifteen thousand?”

“Yes i know. I really wish her salary would be increased”. I said wistfully.

“Anyways, the gist is that, last week she came running to me with pure shock on her face with tears. I became so scared that i didn’t want to hear what she had to say because i thought maybe she would say someone died. But i still stayed to listen to what she had to say. Chika the next thing she said drove me mad.” She said with a look of annoyance.

“Tell me.” I replied without wasting time.

“She told me that her husband took her credit card without her knowledge, went to the ATM and wiped her account. He withdrew all her savings, a total of one hundred and fifty thousand naira. Money she had been saving for almost two years” She said finally.

“What!” I shouted in shock. It was so unexpected. “Jeez! Is he mad? What did he use the money for? I asked angrily hoping that maybe…just maybe he invested it or something close to that.

“That’s the annoying part Chika. She said the foolish man didn’t come back that day and came home the next day with one carton of noodles, and a bunch of plantain”. She laughed out loud.

“Are you kidding me”, i laughed so hard that i laughed to the point of no return. “He is a psychopath and…

* * *

The truth is i had a lot of cuss word for that man. I mean i couldn’t imagine what that woman must be going through. And how i would react if i was the one in her shoes.

Firstly, you’re (the man) not doing anything for the family as a husband should, then the only thing you could do was drain my account because i was foolish enough to tell you my credit card pin.

Secondly , you spent my hard earned money on something meaningless with no regards to my feelings and no respect for me as a person. It was a dreadful thing to do.

I put my self in her shoes and thought of what i would do to him.

I thought of handing him over to the police so they could torture him for two days while i watched.

I thought of shredding all his cloths and belongings to pieces.

I thought that if that would happen then he would have to leave me for good.

My friend thought of giving him sleeping pills and when he has dozed off, she’ll tie him up and give him the most painful beating of his life.

(laughs) all this sounds hilarious but its not funny at all. And the sad truth is that he is not her husband, he never engaged her nor did he marry her. They are not husband and wife.

So why then is she still in such a toxic relationship? I don’t know if its because she has three children with him. A question no one knows the answer to. A question only her can answer.

That you have children with a man doesn’t mean that man is meant to be your husband”

I still say that the problem and the solution lies in the hands of we women. We have a choice to settle for the best or settle for second best. If you don’t see the best that you deserve why stay?. If you cant endure why stay? If you cant dare to take action why stay? If you cant find the key to your man, why stay? If you cant find out what works best for you both, why stay?

I’ve been an independent woman for a long time, in fact i had a dad who trained me to me independent. And i value friendship. Up until yesterday i used to say; i will marry a man that has unending passion for God, loves me, and respect me as the woman in his life. A smart and hardworking man that even if he is not rich, can have enough to take care of me. But now after seeing and hearing what just happened to this lady.

I change my mind. Oh Yes! I change my mind

I want a stinking rich man. I want a wealthy man. I refuse a man who lies on a bed of laziness. I want a millionaire , millionaire is not enough. A billionaire. I want the smartest, realest and coolest dude. This is what I’ve been screaming ever since yesterday. And i wont settle for less.

Lets call forth those things we want and they would be ours.

Sorry for the fowl words on this post, i just couldn’t stop them from flowing as i pour out my emotions and feelings.

Leave a comment by telling me if its right to tell your partner everything about you including your bank details. And what advice do you have for this lady.

*Happy reading*


  1. Ann

    My best advice for a woman with such pains, is to hold onto God… Yes, she has kids for a man that God hasnt acknowledged as her husband and that’s a sin… She can still make it right, if she want.
    Marriage is a beautiful gift and a blessing from God, and as a Christian, you must enjoy your marriage because it’s a blessing from above, any thing aside it, must be well checked.
    We mustn’t go for a rich or poor husband, we should rather ask God to bless us with the right man.
    The right man consists of all the good things we desire, and that is Love.
    I hope and pray that she makes the right choice now… It’s never too Late to find your Mr right even with 3kids.

    Lovely writeup chi

    • Thank you for your kind words and such great advice Ann. Like you said ‘if she wants’. She has to want it for her to get it. I pray she makes the right choice just like you said. Love ❤ xox

  2. Sandra

    I totally support what you said “settle for the best”. But sometimes as a young lady, you don’t know the best, you get confused as to who is the best. You ask yourself a lot of questions. I have this pressing and bothering issue.
    “There’s this guy, he has chased me since 2015 ever since I graduated that he wants to marry me but I never gave him a chance to even come closer to me because I felt he wasn’t my kinda person, but he never relented. I did so many things to me just so he could hate me and stop coming for me but that even gave him more courage; tho some many other people have been coming but I believe they’re not my husband because after sometime they get tired and leave. Fast forward; this year my mum called me and advised me about this particular guy and asked me to just try and understand him and see if we can rhyme, my Mum’s word and advice tend to have very strong effect on me eventhough I hate admitting it. I started trying to understand this guy and I started Liking him (not Love oo) let’s say around April period and he started talking of coming to see my people, a week to the introduction, I then met this guy who was really everything I’ve always wanted in a man, We vibed sooo well it felt like I’ve known him all my life and he treats me like he’s known me all his life. I thought it was only going to be fling and I just kept going with the flow but my emotions started betraying me and my likeness for him grew and because I had already started liking him I told him the truth about Someone already coming for my hand in marriage. His reaction was one of someone who’s disappointed and sad, he asked me that he’ll come to seek my hand in marriage if I tell him to but I disagreed telling him that it won’t be fair to the other guy so he shouldn’t come.
    He always tries to understand and reason with me and make me happy. B4 the introduction I tried to cut him off telling him to start talking to someone else (because I’m this very loyal kinda person and I’m not Someone that will ever want to cheat on someone that is my husband and at that point I was already always feeling guilty of my friendship with the second guy which I also told him) and it hurt him a lot so he kinda gave me some serious space but I always miss him instead of missing someone that was supposed to be my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I need your advice plz …..

    • Okay. I’m glad you shared all this with me. All i would say here is. What is your purpose. If you have an answer to that then know this.

      “Your purpose in life determines your purpose for marriage. Your purpose for marriage determines the kind of marriage you should have. And the kind of marriage you should have determines the kind of spouse that is suitable for you. And the kind of spouse you should have is the one that gives you peace”.

      Peace is the end goal. When you begin to have this rest in your mind and peace in your heart about a particular person.

      One may be the one or both may not be the one.
      Pray, pray, pray and Ask the holy spirit to reveal it to you. And till then don’t commit to any of them

  3. Bwayisak Tanko

    Nawa woooooo. I believe this could be draining the woman… Emotionally, physically and all .
    No be by force oooo if man no dey add up to you, leave! You cannot be part of a *monkey dey work, baboon dey chop* story. Leaving is easier said than done, She should ask God for a way out of it. Coz a Man like this will not let her succeed.
    Nice one Child😘

    • Exactly. I still don’t know what keeps her. I just wish she would ask God like you said, cuz i know only him can give her a permanent solution to this problem of hers. Thank you for your compliment Ronel-sak, like i always call you. Love ❤ xox

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