The Harsh Reality Of Breakups No One Told You In 7 Stages

The harsh reality of breakups

The harsh reality of breakups is that breakups are painful. If you thought breakups were just heart-wrenching, then nothing would prepare you for how unbearable and depressing they are. That’s the harsh reality of breakups that should be made known to you. 

It’s not like breaking one bad egg into a bowl of eggs. It’s not like mistakenly deleting a perfect piece of work just because you were clearing your phone storage. 

It’s more like expecting your beautifully made wedding cake on your wedding day, only to receive a call that the cake arrived at the reception venue, but a kid was running and kicked it to the ground. Picture that? Yeah, Breakups are more like that. Heart-Wrenching! Agonizing! Painful! Dreadful! Awful!

Breaking news! No matter how friendly the relationship ended, or how agreeable both parties were, nothing stops it from being Painful!

John stared at her painfully. Expecting her to say something but she was in shock. He could handle her crazy but not her silence. 

“Babe, say something,” he pleaded. Joan stared at him too furious to speak, too hurt to mutter a word. Before John could move an inch, she suddenly bent and removed her shoes, and dropped her handbag to the floor. 

“Babe, what are you…” he couldn’t finish his question when he felt the pain in his stomach. She threw her shoes at him.

“Joan, stop that!” she threw her handbag at him. 

Tears fell from her eyes, “Why would you end things? Did I ever do anything to hurt you?” She grabbed her bunch of keys and threw them at him. There was nothing else to throw as she fell to the chair and sat quietly. Breathing profusely. She lifted her head and saw that people were watching them. They were at the park. 

John joined her on the chair, “I’m so sorry.” he grabbed her hand and kissed it quietly. She looked at him and the tears couldn’t stop. This was the man she loved, the man who loved her.

“Book me a ride. I need to go home.” And that was the last word she said.

Who hurts the most in a breakup

Who Hurts More After A Breakup

The experience of pain after a breakup can vary greatly from person to person and is not solely dependent on gender. The harsh reality of breakups is that both men and women can experience intense emotional pain after a breakup. The level of hurt can be influenced by various factors, such as the depth of the relationship, loss of communication, individual coping mechanisms, support systems, and personal circumstances.

It’s important to remember that each person’s emotional resilience and ability to cope with heartbreak differ. Some individuals may express their pain more outwardly, while others may internalize it. Factors such as societal expectations, cultural upbringing, and individual personality traits can also play a role in how one processes and expresses the pain of a breakup.

“Gender doesn’t determine pain.”

Regardless of gender, it is essential for individuals going through a breakup to prioritize self-care, seek support from friends, family, or professionals if needed, and allow themselves time to heal and recover. Read further to see the harsh reality of breakups you should be aware of.

The harsh reality of breakups

What Are The Harsh Reality Of Breakups No One Told You?

The shock/Denial

It hits you like a bolt of lightning on a sunny day. You can’t believe your ears. “No” You laugh out loud hoping it’s a joke. But their silence tells you otherwise. Their sad eyes tell you otherwise. Yet, you shake your head in disbelief. Hysterically you try to find the words but there are none. Unfortunately, their minds have been made, and dragging it out would feel more painful so you hide in silence. Left to wonder, left to believe or not, left to say goodbyes.

The Pain

Then the pain hits you. Like a saw slicing through wet woods, it cuts deep into your heart and you find yourself rubbing your chest tightly. Their words replay in your head and reality sinks in. “So, this is the end?” “Is this truly the end?”

Wailing and screaming in pain, like your world cursing down on you. Nothing else matters, only your pain. Only staying faithful to your sorrows.

Those uncontrollable tears run down your cheeks. The picture of her laughter tackles four imaginations, the scent of his shirt itches at your nostrils, so you scream an earth-shattering scream. “No” “Why God? ” What do I do.”

The pain becomes unbearable leaving you weak, shaky, and bound to grief.


All of a sudden you’re angry. Angry at your fate. Love played a cruel joke on you and you want to yell at it.

Angry for letting yourself fall in love again. Angry at letting her affect you so much. Angry at her for letting go. Suddenly, you hate him for not fighting for what you both had. You hate him for not protecting your love and dreams. You despise him for not holding on. 

The Confusion

The conflict of what is and what isn’t.

Your pain conflicts with your anger, memories, and action. You wish you won’t remember the good times, yet you wish to remain in this pain forever. You listen to sad songs to elevate your pain, yet you smile in public.

You watch sad movies to make you cry, yet you hide your pain from everybody else. You wish you could talk to someone about it, but you also don’t want anyone to know. You cherish the memories you shared, yet you don’t know if you can delete the pictures.

The Loss

We not only mourn the dead but also mourn the living.

At this point, you’re in anguish. The pain wasn’t breaking up but what the loss of breaking up is — the disappearance of that person from your life. How do you stop talking to the person that made every day worthwhile? How do you never see the person that made you happy? How do you go from being the most important person in their lives to being a total stranger?

You count your losses and they are much bigger than you could bear. How do you handle living your life without them? What about the future you dreamt of together?

All gone! With a simple sentence! The reality of this realization is the worst of them all.

The Guilt 

Then you blame yourself. Maybe I should have held on to him. Maybe I should have begged her for months. Maybe I should have dragged it out. Maybe I should be so real.

You blame your love for being weak. You weep for the love you thought was strong enough to defy all odds.


In all of your pain, you think about her every day. Your mind is full of his thoughts. You worry if he has eaten. You worry if life is good to him. You wish you could see her smile again. You pray that life would be kind to him/her even if it isn’t kind to you.

In all your heartache, your love hasn’t changed, and decide that it would never change.  You know in your Heart that if they come running, you’d embrace them back with open arms, but you’re not bold enough to say that.

So you embrace the only goodbye you’re courageous enough to say,

“Love, maybe we weren’t meant to be together in this lifetime.  Maybe…just maybe, we’ll meet again in another lifetime where the odds would be in our favour. I hope we can both find happiness. Goodbye”


The harsh reality of breakups is that being broken up can cause feelings of rejection and pain even if the relationship ended mutually. 

You’re going to struggle with denial, anger, confusion, loss, grief, guilt, etc. But the truth is, you can deal with it healthily. Yes, the pain is going to take a while. It’s going to take a lot of self-awareness, a lot of soul-searching, a lot of healing,  a lot of courage, a lot of confidence, a lot of self-care, and a lot of effort to be happy but it’s important to be sure before breaking up. 

Be sure that’s the decision you want to make. Be sure that’s what’s best for the relationship and your happiness. 

Above all, be sure you can live with the regret of your decision even if it’s not what you want. 

What’s your breakup story and how was the experience? 


  1. Sharon

    I can relate to this, I remember my first break up. I lost my appetite for food, a whole foodie like me. He was my first love. That could be the reason it was so painful and it is funny how I was the one that broke up with him🤣.

    • Chika Jonah

      🤣🤣 I can relate with you. That you ended the relationship yourself doesn’t mean it would hurt less. Such a depressing reality. Thank you for sharing your story. Love xoxo ❤️

  2. Hannah Nmaju

    I don’t think I’ve experienced breakups in the true sense of it , but I’ve been hurt and I’ve felt betrayed . It gets better with time.

    • Chika Jonah

      Aww…betrayal is sure another one that hits deep. I’m glad it’s a thing of the past. And yes, time does heal every wound. Thank you for sharing. Much love. ❤️

  3. Chika Jonah

    You’re very correct. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Hopefully, this content will shed more light on the difficulties surrounding breakups. Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs xoxo 🤗

  4. Ivy Eheduru

    Breakups doesn’t only occur in “relationships” I could be between family member were a misunderstanding took place and you loose you most favorite cousin or person in the world you talk to, mehn! That one hurts the most cos that person is in your life forever already, how do you go on not seeing them or being as you were esp when there was no room to talk things out! Ouch! Girl!

    Breakup na National cake ooo!!!

    • Chika Jonah

      Damn! You’re right. This is another angle that hits hard. The reality that this person is family already makes it worse. Whoosh!

      Sadly, your last statement sums it all 😭

  5. Lawrence

    God it’s actually one of the worst experience of life i mean no one deserves to have that experience ……I lost all my money even my job trying to get us back but all to no avail she moved on I almost died. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 For just a relationship I called my uncle from the village to help plead with her it was as if my world have come to an end 😭

    • Chika Jonah

      Wow! This was deep and messy. 🥺 So sorry you had to experience this. How do they move on so easily? 🥺 Well, I’m glad it’s a thing of the past. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

  6. John Maduforo

    This was a great read and filled with “reality stuffs” **in portable’s voice**

    • Chika Jonah

      Awwwn. Thank you, John. I’m glad you had a great read.

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