2 Importance of Self Awareness in Relationships

The importance of self awareness would be visible in this story I’m about to share with you.

Ruth was sitting at the living room when Iyke stormed in with a frown on his face. “Fuck you Ruth!” Ruth shook in fear and turned back only to see Iyke walking towards her. “why would you do such a thing?” He asked. “Are you stupid?”.

“What’s the problem Iyke?” Ruth asked perplexed.

“You should have told me before talking to Mandy about our plan. Are you a fool or what?” He answered. Her body stiffened and looked like she was about to cry.

“But its not much of a big deal. Mandy is not a stranger to either of us. For Christ sake, this plan involves her as much as it does us. Its not enough reason for you to react this way. If you don’t like that I told her, then I’m sorry. I apologize.” She said finally and left.

While she was outside she took a deep breath, she was furious. Furious every time she replayed his choice of words in her head. Every time he used fowl languages on her or cuss words. She didn’t like that he did that. In fact, she abhored it. He was a beautiful man with a charming soul. Except when he talks, he says things in the most absurd way; “I love you brat.” Or “Hey bitch.” Or “silly girl I miss you.”

At first it was cute, she thought he was just been blunt but now she knew it was getting out of control. And now she was suffocating. She just held it in because she didn’t want to make an issue out of something so little. After all, he was so sweet to her, respected her, took good care of her and loved her.


Are you angry with Ruth? Angry that she should have just told Iyke how she felt and how she wanted to be treated. laughs Well, sadly some of you are like Ruth. If Ruth knew the importance of self awareness then she wouldn’t hesitate to communicate her concerns with her partner.

Before knowing the importance of self awareness its best you understand what self awareness truly is.

Self awareness is simply knowing and seeing yourself first.
Self awareness doesn’t end in knowing & seeing yourself for who & what you are or want, it is also been able to make objective decisions for your happiness based on your self discovery about yourself.

Know yourself first before trying to know someone else.

Some weeks ago someone asked me, “Chika what’s your weakness?” And I blabbered along and listed my weaknesses to this person. Contrary to years back when someone asked me, “Chika what makes you thick?” I just stared at the person and after giving it a thought I shamefully replied, “I don’t have an idea.” Then it dawned on me that Chika you are now aware of yourself and that’s a good thing compared to the past when I didn’t know the importance of self awareness.

Being self aware makes you know your moments of emotions, feelings, actions and reactions. When you are self aware nothing gets to you. People only have power over you when you are ignorant of this fact. I can walk on the road and someone makes a side remark “short girl” and I’ll hear it and continue walking because its obvious that I’m short. I know already. There’s no need to remind me. laughs

If you’re self aware, you begin to know what you can handle, how you react to situations, what you can tolerate, how to avoid tough situations etc. Self awareness makes you emotionally intelligent.

The reason why your relationships has become enduraceship is because you lack self awareness. You are simply enduring your partner not enjoying him/her because you don’t know what you want. You are not self aware about your needs, aspirations, desires and obligations. None. You are just enjoying sweetness like Ruth but behind the curtains you feel hurt almost always. Some only care about daily 2k hahaha

Some things to be self aware of include;

  • Who you are?
  • What you are capable of doing?
  • What are your believes & values?
  • What are those boundaries you can’t cross?
  • What makes you angry?
  • What makes you happy?
  • What are your strengths and weaknesses?
  • What do you want in your partner?
  • What inspires you?
  • What do you truly want out of life?
  • What are your dreams & visions
  • What is your purpose?
  • Do you want to get married?
  • Do you want to have children?
  • Do you want to further your education?
  • What can and can’t you tolerate?
  • What kind of people do you welcome into your corner?

The list is endless…but when you know these things and consciously reflect on them as you grow and evolve, you’d live a more fulfilling life.

The Importance of Self Awareness in Relationships

  1. Healthy relationship with yourself.

My God! This right here is a huge importance of self awareness. There is something Campbell the author of Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person said that I love so much. He said, “Self-awareness keeps us grounded, attuned and focused.” And i couldn’t agree more.

A healthy relationship with yourself starts with being self aware. If you are not aware of who you are then you cannot love yourself the way you ought to. And if you can’t love yourself, no amount of love from anyone else would make you see your self better.

Being self aware boosts your confidence. Because now you know yourself so much that whatever you do or say emanates an aura of confidence that makes people in awe of you. You pamper yourself and pamper others. You do things that you now know makes you happy. You make decisions that are good for you. Omo! What a cool vibe! winks Wahala for who no know em self this valentine oh. Haha

  1. Healthy relationship with others.

Yes. This is another importance of self awareness because the bible knew what he was doing when he gave us the golden rule; “treat others in the same way you’ll treat yourself.”

This is why a stingy person cannot hide his/her self. Because they are stingy to themselves first before they are stingy to others. In the same way, you can’t love others without loving yourself. When you love yourself as a result of how aware you’ve become, that love begins to spread towards others.

Thats how they will ask you, what kind of woman do you want? And your answer would be; a good woman. Hey God! Don’t do that please. Some women are good but they are foolish upstairs. Some men are good but they are bunch of lazy dudes. And when the good woman come into your life, three months later there’s already catastrophe in the relationship because you weren’t self aware of your needs and desires. Be specific.

I don’t have stingy friends because I dislike stingy people. If I meet you and like you and later find out that you are not a giver, I run. I don’t endure. I don’t manage. I’m not a manager and neither are you. So please communicate your awareness adequately to build a healthy relationship with yourself and others as well.

Valentine is coming. Be self aware before you shoot that shot. So that you’ll not have a Val that has pink lips, six packs, speaks well but cannot flush the toilet after shitting. I come in peace. Hahaha

Any thoughts or opinions on what you just read? Are you self aware? Even felt left out in your relationship because you weren’t self aware of what you wanted? Please share in the comment.


  1. Chinwe Nwagu

    Chika this was beautiful to read.
    I have never really had an experience though but all I know is that Ruth will suffer for a long time until she learns to find herself alone

    • chiqj

      Thank you for the kind words. You’re right when you said Ruth would suffer in the long run if she doesn’t take the path of self awareness. Yet I truly hope we’d learn and be happy.

      Thank you for stopping by Chi. Love xoxo ❤

      • Ndinechi Kingsley

        Chi for me Oh, you know we see and understand in different perspective, relationship requires tolerance, endurance, cause some people are sarcastic. Hot tempered, so we just have to over them cause of the value in the person.. I guess Ruth created emotional immune system to see the value in him… Thanks Chi may we not marry somebody that will shit and no clean nyash hahahahah

        • chiqj

          Oh my God!! I can’t stop laughing. 🤣🤣🤣 that last line eh Kingsley. Another thing is we are still in the same perspective its just that we are different people. And its until you’re self aware that you’d know what you can and can’t tolerate, if you can handle sarcasm or you avoid it. So the key is to know what you want and stick to it cuz me I can’t and can never tolerate a man that cannot clean his ass after using the toilet. 😂

          Thank you for your opinion. Love xoxo.

  2. Anie

    Nice one chiq. You said we should be self-aware, you also mentioned expressing ourselves in a relationship. What if after letting the person you are in a relationship know what you hate and what you like. Then he/she keeps repeating it over and over not taking correction for ONCE and takes pleasure in it. And maybe what he/she does is much more irritating and annoying How would you explain that? It doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want or doesn’t wanna do what makes me happy…Its just that some things never change. Do you have any advice to compliment or back it up? It will he helpful /smiles/.

    • chiqj

      Thank you Henry. I’m glad you had a good read.

      Hugs xoxo

  3. Bims😎💙

    Ruth, Ruth🤣🤣🤣, she go suffer oh. She better voice out now or egungun will enter expression.

    Thank you for this. Really insightful

    • chiqj

      She “said egungun will enter”😂 Anyways, you’re right. Silence has never helped anyone. Its time we pay attention to our emotional needs.

      Thank you for stopping by Bims

  4. emmanuella

    You see that generalization thing instead of being specific about what we want is one thing that many tend to do.

    This self-awareness thing is continuous. Thanks, babe. I’m going to screenshot those questions and answer them.

    • chiqj

      Very true Ella. As you said Self awareness is a continues. We grow, we change, we experience new things, we meet new people and that makes us evolve. Its important one reflect on their self awareness as they evolve

  5. Amaechi Moses

    Then when I wasn’t as Self Aware as I am now, I used to allow people treat me anyhow, I didn’t understand self worth and what it mean. But I’m happy I’m a better place now and I treat myself specially. I’m more aware of the Man I’m becoming. Thank you for this Post.

    • chiqj

      Wow!! That’s the spirit! Kudos to you Moses. I have no doubt that you’d enjoy your life’s journey with this understanding.

      Love & hugs xoxo

  6. Chidinma

    Wow! Really something to take home and ponder over. Thumbs up!!!

    • chiqj

      I’m glad you see it that way. Let me know when you’ve done your homework. Hahaha

      Thank you

  7. Atinuke

    Wao, I just realized the importance of self awareness. I think I need to incorporate it into my dad to day activities. God no, I need to change because I can endure shit. I must change.

  8. Atinuke

    Wao, I just realized the importance of self awareness. I think I need to incorporate it into my day to day activities. God no, I need to change because I can endure shit. I must change.

    • chiqj

      She said she must change! Hahaha 😂🤣 Please do. I’m rooting for you and moreover, you’d be fine. Now you know better.

      Thank you for being wonderful. Love xoxo

  9. Seun

    This piece is actually very good, I don’t think you could have said this better. I believe in this so much because like you said, if you don’t know what you want, you end up with anything. I have personal experience to back this up too.

    • chiqj

      Well said Seun. Thank you for your feedback. It means a lot. Plus I can’t wait to hear your experience on this. I’m coming for gist. 😊

      Hugs xoxo

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